girls twins symbolize the zodiacal sign

Restorative Horrorscopes… Tackling the Parasympathetic Asstrology System (June 2018)

After the past few months of pretty significant energy shifts, it is oddly unsettling that there is not a major astrological aspect to shake up our planetary prana. June is busting out all over, but not really. It’s more of a June Cleaver kind of June. Soft, supportive… helping us restore ourselves as best we can. Need a bolster? June’s got your back. We have all had a rough go this year, and June seems to be giving most of us a tiny break before the next shoe (or mat) drops. Yogis don’t wear shoes.

The Saturn Retrograde and “New Financial Generation” Uranus in Taurus aspects are still going on. So, we are all still adjusting to those new energies. We just aren’t being bombarded with ginormous energetic changes for almost 30 full days. Around half of the planets are spinning their wheels in a retrograde, giving us a well-deserved break and time to reflect on our lives. Take a deep inhale in… sigh all of that breath right back out. Ahhhhhhh. At the end of June, there is a Mars retrograde, which will have some saucy and steamy summer vibes. We’re just not there yet.
On with the show!


Darren Rhodes

Don’t panic, but you may find yourself playing nicely with others this month. You don’t even have to bribe or threaten them… somehow, some way, you are in a good collaboration space. There are a bunch of planets in retrograde, so instead of a constant flogging from the Universe, this month you’re mellow AF. MELLOW. Unfortunately, you’re so used to your inner chaos and outer conflicts; you could get a bit restless. Enjoy these moments, especially since they are not going to last. You’ll be basting in the tapas of your own making soon enough.

Aries’ May Asana: Savasana


Tara Stiles

Forget your family, friends, and romantic life this month. Seriously, just let all of that rest and digest. Instead, focus on all of the hard work that you’re hoping will soon pay off. Nope. Your hard work is leading to more work. For most people, that would be a pretty sad statement, but when you’ve been working your little Taurus hooves to the bone, getting to do more of what you like to do is almost as good as a vacation, bonus, or retirement. Slow and steady is your motto (so we astrologers say to make you feel better), and that means you can spend June enjoying the work you work so hard at by doing more work.

Taurus’ May Asana: Chaturanga


Kathryn Budig

June is going to bring a ton of new challenges for your Gemini brain. The “break” you’re going to get this month is instead of following your impulses down the rabbit holes, you can hyperfocus on what the heck is going haywire with everyone around you. The fun part is that nobody is used to you taking that role because you’re usually the haywire. June is the flip-flop month you’ve been waiting for, even if you didn’t realize it. Enjoy your moments of non-attachment, flee the chaos, and remember that a break isn’t always a rest. Better luck next month.

Gemini’s May Asana: Baddha Konasana w/eyes squeezed shut forever


Sharon Gannon

Join a local hobby group. Start online dating. Go to the mall. June brings Cancer back to a place where relationships and connection are abundant. Abundant, however, doesn’t always mean harmonious. This month is pretty much your jam – you can be emotional and open and poetic, and if others aren’t feeling your vibe, you get to close them out and hang with your much cooler friends anyway. You are a Care Bear with skin. Go get a tattoo.

Cancer’s May Asana: Urdva Dhanurasana


Colleen Saidman Yee

Get out your tantrum pants and set your eyes on the prize. The prize being July when things hopefully calm down for you. Your planets are all kind of giving you the finger this month, and the only thing you can do is growl and bear it. Soften into it. Breathe. Most of the tension you’ll feel will be gone by the middle of the month, and you could see a pretty great career bonus or perk enter your realm; something you weren’t expecting (thank Jupiter!). Spend the month gazing into your gorgeous eyes, smiling that perfect smile, basking in your glow of awesome until the shitstorm is over.

Leo’s May Asana: Mayurasana


Meghan Currie

What is worse than a hungry Virgo? An angry or agitated Virgo. This month, put away your weapons; your words, and run away to some far away cabin or beach. You can call it a vacation; the rest of the world is probably going to call it an amazing act of philanthropy. When provoked, a Virgo can slice another person’s heart into micro-thin pieces of necrotic devastation. Save the planet and stay away from everyone this month.

Virgo’s May Asana: restorative everything


Elena Brower

It is really helpful that you are an expert is looking at things from all sides. This month, you’ll have all sorts of action energy and just as much indecision energy ready to tip your scales. Maybe this is the month where your career plans seem to just work out. Maybe not. Perhaps you discover your boss is funneling money into an underground funnel cake food truck, and you’re anti-gluten. Whatever happens this month, you’re not going to come out better or worse for it, just different. Enjoy your sameness.

Libra’s May Asana: Ardha Uttānāsana, arms at a “T”


Bryan Kest

No time for brooding this month, you’ve got fires to put out and a world to save! Actually, you just don’t have time for brooding. Instead, use your restoration time to prepare for the inevitable questions you’ll face this month: what is love? Why is the sky blue? Did you take my wallet? There’s a lot of stagnant energy this month, and you don’t have a lot to do except for breathing through whatever may pop up.

Scorpio’s May Asana: Virasana


Ana Forrest

If you’ve spent a lot of time recently trying to get your heart and home in check, congrats, you’re as good as you’ll get there. Your next quest is your career and finances. But, before you can make any of those moves, you have to deal with the bleak nothingness of June. There’s no get up and go (it got up and went!) and you have no choice but to sit there and look pretty until July(ish). Restore your body this month, allow your mind and spirit to relax. You don’t have a choice, anyway.

Sagittarius’ May Asana: Mrigiasana (Deep Pose)


Jill Miller (Yoga Tune Up)

You win June. You’ve been waiting for this month practically your entire life. Everyone else is dealing with planetary dysfunction or low-energy. You? You have a power point presentation ready to go that explains how you will navigate those obstacles, surmount the sloggy energetic swamp, and come out into July with a big “V” for victory painted on your chest. Overachiever.

Capricorn’s May Asana: Ustrasana


Candace Moore (YogaByCandace)

Grab your glitter and call in sick to work for the whole month. Aquarius gets the gift of transformation this month in just about every aspect: love, finance, career, spirituality. You don’t even have to work at this transformation. You don’t have to do anything. Your biggest problem will be where you shine your happy little smile as you soak in the goodness of the universe and hide your giggles and grins from the rest of the zodiac.

Aquarius’ May Asana: Urdhva Prasarita Eka Padasana


Shiva Rea

Oh, dear Pisces. This is not going to be an easy month. It may not even be one that gives you the benefit of lessons learned. It is just going to be a month where you are going to have to keep swimming, go on autopilot, and try to avoid the crap that is just around the next corner. This is a great month to devote entirely to your sanity. Netflix it up. Hit the beach, get wet, stay away from people. Whatever you do this month remember that intuition is one of your biggest strengths, so intuitively get out of town and we’ll see you in July.

Pisces’ April Asana: running man. Shh.

Enjoy the silence, yogis. July starts a brand new flow that will require a good months’ rest.


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